This is one syptom of OCD that kills me! I’m so tired of not being able to access feelings that I know are there somewhere inside of me. Then when I can’t instantly feel what I think I should(or know I do), good ole OCD kicks in and starts telling me that I must feel the opposite of whatever I really feel, because I can’t “feel” it at the moment. Sound familiar?
One thing I have come to learn in this process is that the times you are able to access real feelings, and you feel normal and happy–even though those moments may be far and few in between, try writing the “clear moment” down in a journal, date it, and even sign it if it makes it feel more concrete to you that it is a true reflection of how you feel in your heart about whatever OCD is taunting you about. Then whenever this ‘not being able to feel your feelings’ nightmare comes up, you can calm yourself quickly by referencing your note that you jotted down. If you’re anything like me though, OCD will try to pry into your thoughts even after you have confirmed your real feelings via the journal, and slashed the OCD myths along the way. Best thing you can do at this point, is just let the thoughts be there. Pay no attention, don’t react. I know it’s painful. Just let it be there, and try to focus on another activity. 10-20 minutes later if successful, you’ll realize your reasoning is much better from having not blocked the thought, but let it be there, while actively ignoring it.
One thing I strongly suggest in your journey to stoping your OCD behaviour, is to keep an OCD journal. Get a notebook, any kind you like, maybe a color or style that makes you happy; and then write down these affirmations to your true self inside this journal.
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